They're everywhere

Pregnant women, that is. 

And babies.

Big, pregnant bellies, facebook announcements, tiny little feet, perfectly healthy smiles. 

Bliss.

And I hate it.  I hate that it's not me.  That should be me rubbing my belly.  I should have been finding out if my baby was a boy or a girl.  I should be planning the move to our bigger house.  Because we needed a bigger house to fill with children. 

They say "You already have 2 children, you should just be happy." or "You can try again! Don't give up." or "Time heals all wounds." or "Everything happens for a reason." 

And to that I say "fuck off".  But I don't actually say it.  I smile and nod and agree.  Because they don't know.  They have never felt the ache.  And I'm so happy for them.  Truly, I am.  I wish I wasn't a member of the "club". 

I want to be able to show off my beautiful, pregnant belly to everyone; friends and strangers alike.  But I know that if that were me, I'd just be making another mama like me feel the pain and heartache that I feel.  So I'll just sit back and be jealous of their blissful ignorance.