I think I'm ready to commit to this blog.
It has taken me some time to come to terms with all of the things that have happened up until this point in my life; and day by day things just seem to get more and more interesting.
I will try to give a small backstory of what has brought me to this blog.
In 2007 I gave birth to a beautiful boy. Jack is our first son and my labor, whilst difficult, was amazing. Things went exactly how I had "planned" (I was one of the lucky ones) and it felt great to start our family. Fast forward to 2008. I found out I was pregnant again just after Jack turned 1 year old in November. Elliot was born in August 2009; another boy!! I was elated. I knew I had wanted at least 2 boys. At that moment in my life, things felt great. I loved being pregnant and giving birth and it was truly a passion of mine. Another thing I felt very passionately about was infertility. I was so fortunate to had not had any problems conceiving when I wanted to start my family.
After Elliot had turned 1 year old, I longed to be pregnant again, but I didn't necessarily want to add to my family size at that time in my life. I looked closely at surrogacy and after months of research I decided to contact a surrogacy agency. I met an amazing couple through the agency and we were the perfect match. In November 2010 we transferred 2 embryoes into my uterus. A positive pregnancy and beta test showed that we were pregnant! The dad's (intended parents) were overjoyed! Their dream to add to their family had come true.
In Februrary 2011 I went to my Dr for my 16 week appointment and was devastated to find that the baby had passed. This begins the road of horrific events for me and my IP's. I broke the news to them and it shattered their dreams. (You can read the entire journey on my blog about being a surrogate here.) I went in for an induction and spent hours waiting to give birth. Jonathan was born on February 12th, 2011 at 16 weeks. We never found out what happened or why he died.
After some time of healing for both the IP's and myself, we decided to try again. It must have been a fluke, right? It couldn't have been me; I have given birth TWICE to two completely healthy boys.
In May 2011 we did another transfer of 2 embryoes. Another positive pregnancy test and beta confirmed pregnancy and the joy rushed over us all yet again. They got their second chance at being a family.
The joy didn't last long when I started spotting and the beta numbers were increasing but only slightly. At 7 weeks I finally saw a decrease in the beta numbers and I began to miscarry. At this point, I knew I was done with surrogacy. My heart and my body needed a break. I was sad to part ways with my new found friends with whom I'd become very close. I knew they would have to start over and find a whole new surrogate, but I just couldn't do it again. I was devastated for them and for me. But I knew it was over for us all.
I had come to terms with not being a surrogate again but I was sad to lose my friends and more sad that I couldn't help them out in the only way I knew possible for me. I put all of that aside and began to focus more on finish my schooling. Things were going really great and then in August 2011, I recieved some news that was hard to swallow but so exciting.....
I was pregnant!
- I am modern mom to two wonderful boys. I am married to my childhood sweetheart and love of my life. I am on a journey to wellness in my personal life and for my family as well. Why I Blog: I have found that writing in general is very freeing for me. I enjoy writing and the idea that other people are reading what I'm writing moves me. If even just ONE thing I post touches, moves, or helps another human in ways that I have been touched by bloggers, I am pleased. Blogging is my release. And once it's out there, it's free for anyone and everyone.